It’s almost Mother’s Day. Its been just over a year since my Mom passed away.
It seems like yesterday and at the same time like it’s been 10 years. I still haven’t found the rythym of my life since we lost her! It was sudden, unexpected, tragic and it was over quickly. We knew she would never recover. She was 85.
My father is 90 he has dementia. He still functions but requires alot of direction. My Mother was his caregiver. We thought he would go first. We had conversations about it. I never imagined it would be her.
Since then, and thanks to my parents preplanning the transition of responsibility, both financial and physical has become mine. I’m an only child. While I had been prepared for this eventuality I just never expected it to happen. Ridiculous really given their age but I didnt want to face it.
My Mother was amazing. My best friend. My greatest support. I miss her friendship. And her fierce love. Of me, my father and especially her grandchildren!!
My mom passed on April 12th 2018 and while I planned everything and paid all the bills and kept daily life going at their home I think it still hadn’t really hit me.
My 30 year old daughter took over full time care of her grandfather. She lived there and it turned out to be a huge blessing. We figured it out. My Mom would have been pleased and proud of us. Life went on. It has moved on.
A year has come and gone and my second Mother’s Day without her is fast approaching. I’m a Mom but I always made sure my Mom was celebrated on that day!! She had done so much for me and her grandchildren!! I am not sure what to do now.
I talk to her almost everday. I tell her whatever is on my mind. I give her updates, I cry, I pray. And I hope she knows how very much we love and miss her.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom it’s just not the same without you!! ❤
So OK Hi!!
It’s been awhile. Life overwhelmed me a little. But I’m getting back on track.
I want to share my journey with you and what I’ve been up to. In my first post I told you I was adopted and recently found my birth family. It has been almost two years since that happened and I’m finally sorting out all the feelings. I have a beautiful half sister Rebecca and her family who are from my birth mothers side. Sadly my birth mother Sharon passed away before I found her. And I have my amazing birth father Tom who is alive and well. Meeting them has been life changing, amazing, confusing, emotional, enlightening and filled with joy and wonder!! And to be honest a little scary at first!
At fifty years old I decided it was time. I wanted to know. We’ll I’ve always wanted to but I never really acted on it. I had some basic info about my birth mother, her maiden name and the city where I was born. Not much else. I put my info into all kinds of search groups and FB pages. But I lucked out when the family lawyer recommended a wonderful investigator to my mom. She also happened to be a search angel in one of the FB groups I joined. Becky encouraged me to get my “identifying information” from the state and have my DNA tested thru ancestry.com. This took several weeks to accomplish. In the mean time Becky found my original birth certificate.
Between waiting for my DNA results and my “identifying information” I was filled with anxiety and questions. Was I doing the right thing? Was I ready for whatever I found out? Could I accept rejection? How much of me was I willing to share with a stranger? Would I be disappointed? Would it be too late? etc.
So let’s back up a minute. As a little girl, I fantasized about who my birth mother may or may not be. Of course she would be a famous singer or actress who gave me up because of her career but was so happy I found her. Not a very realistic expectation. But there you go. I let that go in high school. Kinda funny!
When I received my “identifying information” from the state and my DNA results from Ancestry I was shocked!! Everything they told my parents about my heritage was false. Instead of being Norwegian and Scandinavian I was mostly Irish and British with a few other places thrown in. Eye opening and a little disconcerting.
My mother tells a story about their interview with the social worker before I was adopted. How they knew I would be tall and because my parents were short that they had reservations about placing me with them. When they saw how tall my mom’s sister was it wasn’t a problem anymore. She said they were very particular about matching them up. Nationality, hair color, eye color, height. So you can imagine my surprise when after being told my whole life I was Norwegian and Scandinavian that I had a completely different heritage. I felt they had been deceptive to my parents. Turns out from what I’ve been told this is not uncommon.
So lesson number one if you’re searching, prepare to be surprised with what you find!! And it’s okay you’ll get thru it!! More to come. Stay tuned!!
I have a cat (2 actually) his name is Chunka. He is all black and has medium length soft fur and green eyes. He is my cat and he’s the upstairs cat. I’ll explain later. Anyway, Chunka likes to sleep with me. Really he just likes to take over the entire top half of the bed. He wants to be near me no matter what all night long. He’s on the pillow above my head or curled up next to me if I’m on my right side or left side. Sometimes he crawls under the covers. Why? I don’t know. He’s weird. If I get up he gets up. He talks to me alot. If you’re an animal person you know about this. He’s very smart. When he wants my attention he will tap my face with his paw. Or open the cupboard door and pull things out that make loud noises at 3am! He also snores. But I love him!
I said I had 2 cats. The other is Riley. She has short black fur and green eyes.She is the downstairs cat. Riley and Chunk do not get along. They steer clear of one another. Riley is my husband’s cat. She is wild and we inherited her. It took a year and a half for her to let me pet her properly before I wasn’t afraid! I’m still a little nervous. I have scars. She really likes my husband they are bonded. She only likes to drink water from the bathroom sink. I think it’s strange and I don’t like it. But she won’t drink out of a bowl. We have to cater to her needs. She’s got my husband wrapped around her 6 toed paw!! He likes to pretend she’s no big deal. But I hear him talking to her all the time.
So those are the non humans that I live with I’ll tell you about the humans tomorrow.